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One behaviorist to another after lovemaking Darling from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
One behaviorist to another after lovemaking: "Darling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for me?"

Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different. A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!" "That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?" "I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!" "One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously. "Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist." "A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?" "Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."

A man who thinks hes George Washington from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A man who thinks he's George Washington has been seeing a psychiatrist. He finishes up one session by telling him, "Tomorrow, we'll cross the Delaware and surprise them when they least expect it." As soon as he's gone, the psychiatrist picks up the phone and says, "King George, this is Benedict Arnold. I have the plans."

In a psychiatrists waiting room two patients from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?" The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here." The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?" The second responds, "God told me I was." At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!"

When the new patient was settled comfortably from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

Patient Doctor my wife thinks Im crazy from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too. Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.

Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered. The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret? Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me." The younger looking one replies, "Who listens?"

A psychologist returned from a confrence in from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A psychologist returned from a confrence in Aspen lodge, where all the psychologists were permited to ski for free. Her husband asked her, "How it went?". She replied, "Fine, but I've never seen so many Freudians slips."

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when it's time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.

A guy goes in to see a from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"

Psychiatrist to his nurse Just say were from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'"

Whats the difference between a psychologist and from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!

What is the difference between a psychiatrist from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist? If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my mother," he will ask "Why do you say that?" while a psychologist will say "Thank you for sharing that with us."

A psychologist is at a party talking from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: "That's his problem."

A young woman took her troubles to from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on sweety, let's go home."

Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: "Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you -- everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."